What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 24.06.2025 00:14
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
(And it was in our own minds.)
I will be 64.
What do you think of Obito Uchiha?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Who then, do I blame.?
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Would you date/marry a guy younger than you? If no, why not?
What did i know ?
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
I waited trembling.
Can a meme heal what therapy can't?
She married twice! .
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
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But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
What trains transport cars and passengers near Pompano Beach, Florida that goes to New York?
I could never make a relationship work though!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
So, i spoilt her more .
When she asked me how she looked .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I was seconnd youngest,
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Im dying but, im not bitter.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
All the time i was locked up.
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Why did i forgive my father ?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She was in good health!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
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I know ,a lot about trauma.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
I write beautiful poetry .
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
So whats the point in blame.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
As i do to all so called friends.?
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
This is soul school!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
They are buried together, in the same grave..
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
She wouldn,t have been !
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
And i lived it daily.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Would this be the day?
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
It was going to be , some day.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Was to survive, this bastard.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
But, we were locked up after school.
She found it foreign!.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Comes on , in middle age.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I said to her
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I don,t even have a pension.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I was very sick at this time too.
He knew the spot.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
We all went to grammer schools
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
She loved him until the end.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One cannot live in the past .
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I have no regrets .
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
My life is so biszare .
I was 9 years of age.
We were not on the streets..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
My family never makes their pension either.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Put me off passion for life!!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im still living with it.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
But ive been too sick for many years..
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
But it wasn’t much.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I couldn’t, believe it.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He resisted the act ,that day.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I was scared of men, in general
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Especially a lifetime of it.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.